Hard of hearing

it’s exhausting
trying to
put
together sentences like a
seam that keeps unravelling
the fabric
slowly fraying away
the mouths
keep moving till they remain open
like clowns at a fare I want to throw a ball
in there mouths
there mouths that remain open
I want to shut them
i want to feel connected
I want to win at the game
I want to know. what’s funny
I want to know. why. they. are laughing
i am. an observer a mime
an actor. I watch I gage. they laugh I laugh
i mould myself. into whatever shape seems appropriate. I pretend the shoe fits.
but it never will. I try to win this game.
but I can’t. but still I try. I must.